Books Blog : illness

Happy Father's Day: The Council of Dads by Bruce Feiler

kiya@evpl — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 19:43:00 GMT

My brother-in-law Angelo died of cancer at the age of 43, when his daughter was less than two years old. I thought of him often as I read The Council of Dads, by Bruce Feiler. Feiler was also in his 40s, active and seemingly healthy when his bone cancer was discovered. His twin daughters were barely three years old. As Feiler learned about his chances for beating the cancer (not high) and the regimen that would be required for the battle (daunting - a full year of radiation and chemo, followed by surgery to remove much of his thigh bone and muscles, followed by more chemo), his worries mounted. He worried not only about his own health and prognosis, but also about how his wife could manage her growing business, parent two young children without much help from him, and the stresses that the year would place on her. Most of all, he worried about his daughters, and how they would survive the family strain of what he soon called "The Lost Year." Beyond that, he pondered what they would miss if he didn't survive. He said:

...I kept coming back to Eden and Tybee and how difficult life might be for them. Would they wonder who I was? Would they wonder what I thought? Would they yearn for my approval, my discipline, my love?

My voice.

A few days later, I woke up suddenly before dawn and though of a way I might help re-create my voice for them. I started making a list of six men - from all parts of my life, beginning with when I was a child and stretching through today. These are the men who know me best. The men who share my values. The men who helped shape and guide me. The men who traveled with me, studied with me, have been through pain and happiness with me.

Men who know my voice.

Feiler gave some thought to the project, and contacted the men. All agreed to become part of his Council of Dads. In his book, published just this month, Feiler shares with us the story of that year, and also the stories of his life with the men who became his Council of Dads, and the lessons he learned from them. The book ends last summer, not too long after his year of treatment ended. He survived the treatment, and has a decent chance of becoming a long-term survivor. Should he not survive, the gift he left his daughters (and all of us) in this book is tremendous. Spend a little time with Bruce Feiler's story, then take some time to think about all those who have acted as father to you along the way. It might be time to give them a call, or drop them a line, or share their story with someone else. Angelo, my brother-in-law, was the only person who managed to teach me to drive a stick shift, though many tried. His patience, his confidence in me, his sensitivity to my fear of humiliation (the previous tries were disasters), and his caring all worked when nothing else had. I still miss him.

Happy Father's Day.

Jane Brody - speaking at Central Library - Tuesday, October 6th, 7pm

kiya@evpl — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:59:00 GMT

Most folks recognize Jane Brody as an advocate of healthful living. Her early books were all about good diets, healthy foods, and maintaining a good relationship with your doctor. But even healthy lives come to an end. Brody explains in the preface of her new book, Jane Brody's Guide to the Great Beyond, that when we are fully prepared for the end of life, we are in a much better position to fully enjoy the time we have left.

Brody, the Personal Health columnist for the New York Times, provides clear practical help on recognizing the things we can do NOW to help make things easier when the end comes, whether it is sooner or later. She looks specifically at issues like:

What is a "good death"? Figure out what you want.
Planning ahead for a funeral or memorial service.
Uncertain Future: when you are living with a bad prognosis
Coma
Caregiving: tending someone at the end of life
Hospice and Palliative Care
Spiritual Care
When a Child is Dying - surviving the nightmare
What to Say: conversations at the end of life
Grief: it's not a disease
Organ and Body donations
Lasting Legacies: leaving memories and life lessons

Brody is resprectful of the people she writes about, but she also knows how and when to inject some humor into the discussion. While these issues are not fun to read about and sometimes hard to consider, Brody's book makes it easier. Highly recommended.

Don't miss your chance to hear Jane Brody in person, discussing these issues and her book. She will be this year's Lottes Lecturer at Central Library on Tuesday, October 6^th, at 7pm in the Browning Room. The program is free, and open to the public. More information available here.

The Longest Trip Home

wag.mado@evpl — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:08:00 GMT

After reading several mixed reviews on John Grogan's newest book, I took the plunge and decided I'd see for myself. I really didn't think there was any way I could like the book as much as the bestselling "Marley and Me", but I didn't think it would be as bad as some of the reviews I read either.

This memoir is mostly a story about growing up Catholic in the 1950's. Since, I grew up Catholic in the 1950's, I could relate with almost everything - except being an altar boy. I could also understand how those who did not grow up Catholic may not like the book - and realized how those who are Catholic could be offended or taken aback by Grogan's feelings about his religious upbringing with extremely devout parents.

The book (which I listened to on audio, read by Grogan himself) did have places that seemed to drag on. However, I stayed with it because I never lost my curiosity about where the story was taking me, as Grogan tried to become his own person, living life with a moral code different from his parents.

All that being said - I liked this book. It was an honest, sometimes humorous, sometimes heart wrenching memoir, written by a person who tried to find his own place in the world even when it didn't follow the path his parents had in mind. In that respect, this could be the life story of many of us.

Oh, and about the book being as good as "Marley?" Heavens no! Not even Grogan himself could upstage that beloved dog.

Strong at the Broken Places

wag.mado@evpl — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 22:55:00 GMT

This book's preface begins, "These are the faces of illness in America. Do not look away.......Quite simply, they are us." If you have ever known someone with a chronic or terminal illness, you probably already know that each person approaches their difficulties in a way that is all their own. Strong at the Broken Places by Richard M. Cohen is a book that demonstrates this. He features 5 people who have been given life changing diagnoses. Cohen interviews them over several years, asking them questions and observing them in their everyday life. The interviews speak of fear, loneliness, and anger - but also show the personal strengths that allow these people to thrive, revealing the common ground they all stand upon. Although it may sound depressing, I found this book full of life. To me the stories are all about living in the truth, with as much hope as one can muster. And after all, isn't that what we are all trying to do?